SUPER LOVEY DOVEY POST ALERT!
All love-haters, avert your gaze. Please ask siri to beatbox for you, and then carry on with your day.
It’s TWO weeks to valentines day, and I am excited.
Am I doing anything special? Not really. Not big honeymoon planned- we’re actually going to a yoga, surf and Stand Up Paddleboard retreat! no time for hanky panky there!
We weren’t even together last valentines day. So we spent it just like every other day, and skyped in the evening.
Every valentine’s day before that was pretty much the same. It REALLY is another day in the year. Its not special. To me, every day should feel like valentines day. BUT…. its nice to celebrate being in love and having a day dedicated to it. Although really and truly, if you are in a super loving relationship, you won’t feel like you need it. I know i don’t feel like I need it. We show each other in every action that we can and in as many words per day as we can that we love each other, so there really is no need.
This post, is basically how I view relationships (in a nutshell) but please don’t judge me entirely on it, because I feel there are many facets and ways to love someone, and there are many different circumstances. This is just a small snippet.
I personally think there are many loves of your life.
Actually, I think that some the biggest loves you’ll have are your friends. I can think back to some friendships I had in elementary, and high school, and I can honestly say I truly loved those people with EVERY ounce of my being, because you don’t expect to get hurt with friendships. And thats why, when a friend hurts you, it hurts in a different way.
One day, I will share in great great detail how Dan and I met. It’s a long long long story, and actually one that I wrote up for him COMPLETE WITH PHOTOS… for Valentines day last year in 2015 🙂 We had been speaking for just under a year and I thought, you know what, I need to document this. Whatever happens, I need to write down this insane story of ours. And one day when I have had three glasses of wine and I’m blogging, I will definitely do that for you guys!
But for now, I am just going to talk a bit about relationships and some conversations I have had recently.
Relationships, are choices. Life is a long series choices. Duh, right?
but if you treated the person that you are choosing to spend your life with, and THEY are choosing to spend their life with YOU, treat them like such.
Think about the following statement: Of ALL of the guys and girls in the world that you know and out of EVERYONE you have met and gotten to know, THIS one person, this amazing individual (obviously they’re amazing, THEYRE DATING YOU, you fox you!) has agreed to spend AN INDEFINITE amount of time with you. Think about that. You may not be engaged, you may not even be talking about forever, but they have decided that right now, for this period of your life, however short or long, YOU are who they want to be their partner. THINK ABOUT THAT! Think about how amazing that is, and treat that person as such. Wow, you chose me.
Sometimes, as you do, I would hear people say something like “I love you more and more everyday” on tv or about their partner, and i felt that that was always just a statement you say about someone. Kind of like “I have never had more energy in my life and if I can do it, you can do it” when people talk about losing weight. Its like “THE THING” to say right. hahaha. (I get back to this point later)
I also didn’t think it was possible to love my partner more than I do, and I guess I had never been with someone that made me feel that way. To me, its not so much loving them more and more every day but being more and more sure about how much you love them every day- maybe thats just me. The feeling of being so sure and CHOOSING them every day, is the feeling that makes me feel so happy and in love. every day we do things for each other and every day I’m reminded and reassured that this person loves me as much as I love them.
Do I want to kill him some moments in the day? yes. Sometimes that feeling lasts a good 7 hours. But they are few and far between. I remember being in relationships that really didn’t feel like that. Constant fighting. And as much as you want to justify the fighting, there really isn’t a good reason. Are there bad periods? yes. But those are circumstantial. Do you have kids? have you been together for years? if so, a few bad months is probably normal. But you don’t have kids, its only been a short amount of time, you don’t share finances, what are you fighting about every day? sorry but it WONT WORK.
I think people need to understand also, that nobody is perfect. (haha DRE YOURE AN IDIOT THAT IS OBVIOUS)
oh really is it? When we’re raised in a generation that believes EVERYONE is special, YOU deserve the best, YOU ARE the best, how can you not think you deserve the best?
Look, yes you do deserve the best. You are perfect in your own way. But I have news for you… there are some serious shitty sides to you. There are some really serious shitty sides to me. Im super messy and I actually have sever ADHD so when you talk to me, it looks like I won’t be paying attention but I am. And there are more shitty sides to me, but I should probably talk to my therapist about those first…
Anyways. My point is, I think people need to pick and choose people who’s demons play well with theirs. And, you need to be fairly certain that you have worked on YOUR issues first before you start pointing out everyone else’s. Work on yourself FIRST!
Dan is patient, and I need that. I am calm in crisis’ and emergency situations, and Dan needs that.
Everyone has shit. If YOUR person’s “SHIT” is that they have communication issues, and you can’t handle that, then you need to know that and pick up on that. Try to work on it. If you think it can’t be fixed, leave. If you’re not expressing how you feel to your partner after several months of being together, it probably won’t work. Boundaries and communication has to be set early on, in my opinion.
Back to the demons— If your person is a wealthy powerful person and thats what you want, but they aren’t the most loyal, then you need to evaluate if thats what you want. A lot of women put up with that and turn a blind eye (I would not. But I know a lot of people who do, AND THATS FINE! )
Im not saying you should put up with things you don’t want, but I also think there needs to be a little bit of a “less” expectation than what people are expecting … MAYBE THATS JUST ME, but when I sincerely look at my friends and my guy friends, and even (especially) myself, I’m like, I would totally not date you. Your demons just do not play well with mine, and I think we would kill each other.
Nobody is perfect. NOBODY. Once you get to know and love someone (hence why I think dating is so important) you can evaluate after a while what is important to you, and what isn’t. It took me a lot of failed relationships to learn
A) what I needed to improve about myself, but
B) what I will never put up with in a partner.
To me, a perfect relationship is two perfectly imperfect people coming together. You have to be two WHOLE people …WHOLE. Like, Dan is my world, but he’s not MY ENTIRE WORLD. You feel? I WANT him in my life, I don’t NEED him. Thats the difference. Like, I WANT pizza, I don’t need pizza. But hot damn, do I love pizza A LOT.
Like, a lot. And I love him a LOT more than pizza!
Also, can I just rant for a second? Whats with this whole thing about people posting their gifts/actions from their partners on instagram. Why? Can I ask why? like, all the time? I can understand he bought you a car or something crazy, you post that shit girl. Thats awesome. But every time he gives you flowers? Is he really not giving you anything to the point you have to post every time he does something nice? like, have you never received flowers before? does he literally only buy you flowers three times a year? are you posting that for your followers, or for yourself?
Oh he did something cute for you this morning? wow that must really not happen often. That should happen OFTEN.
I see people post EVERY single time their partner does something cute or amazing. Do I love it? actually, I do, yes. But I feel theres always an ulterior motive or something not right with that. Why? are you posting this for me or for validation for yourself? or are you trying to rub it in someones face? IF I posted every time me and my partner did something cute for each other I would have exactly 2 followers. My mom and my best friend. And actually I think my mom would unfollow me so, I would maybe have 1 follower. .I would be posting minimum 3 times a day about how he did this or that, how I did this, etc.
Be in love and post what you feel is cute and amazing, but if you’re posting ALL THE TIME, like too much, maybe think about the motive for that. Ask your real blunt friends if you’re posting too much. If so, maybe identify the reason for that, and address that. I know from experience there are many reasons. Insecurities, you want everyone to know you’re still together, possibly just missing them, wanting everyone to know how great you are…. If your relationship revolves around what other people think thats not a good thing. MOTIVE, people. Get to the root of the issue. Why are you looking for validation for your relationship on social media all the time? Figure that one out. I think posting your partner is great and makes them feel loved, but theres a line folks.
I don’t need flowers (Although I like them) but I have received many big expensive gifts before, without love. Actions without sentiment and feelings are empty. People say actions are louder than words, but I think you need both. Actions and words equals no doubts. No fears.
But, anyway. in the end, its not so much that I love him more and more every day, even though it feels that way. It’s me learning something new about him, appreciating him more, appreciating something he does, and CHOOSING to love him every day. Its a decision I make with every action, every fight I avoid, every boundary I have set, and every little thing I do for him. And, I say this as a major believer in equal rights, I do this because I get so much more in return. True love to me, is loving someone full heartedly and KNOWING that they feel the same back. It’s not 50/50, its 100/100. Theres nothing but kindness, and happiness. I feel safe. Theres no doubt. Theres just love.
I wish you and yours a very happy Valentines Day, and if you haven’t found your love yet, YOU WILL! For now, CELEBRATE with your friends!
Work on yourself and becoming your BEST self, and you absolutely will find someone as amazing as you undoubtedly are!
Keep an eye out for our FITCOUPLE program, coming out in the next few days! 😉
A bit about the fit couple program:
One of the best things about being in a great relationship is being with someone who pushes you to being a better YOU! This program is great for any couple wanting to get fit TOGETHER! FIT COUPLE GOALS! Includes: -6 weeks of workouts, three different phases (so workouts change every two weeks) that you can do with your partner. (Gym workouts, or at home workouts) -6 weeks of nutrition with a separate nutrition program for males and females-SIMILAR ingredients so that you can meal prep together! -Recipes and different nutrition tips -Cardio recommendations -Supplementation recommendations Recommended for women and men wanting to lose body fat and gain lean muscle mass, of average (Normal/Overweight) height and weight.